Here's a thing I wrote for my 'zine
some time ago. I almost made this a link to the page it's on on my
site (http://www.sincom.com/~wmunger/politics.htm), just remember,
if it's created, it's copyrighted. I want lots of people to read it,
I just want to make sure I get credit, even though it's extremely
similar to Rush's "Liberal Lexicon". (I was going for something
more like Ambrose Beirce's "The Devil's Dictionary", but
I guess Rush subliminaly influenced me.
Dave
Abortion:
The form of birth control most deserving of federal
funds. It must be spoken of only with great solemnity,but otherwise
treated the same as other birth control techniques.
Authority:
The right to coerce. It is earned either by moral
certainty or by polls indicating popular support by the non-voting
majority.
Bipartisanship:
The next best thing to one-party rule
Censorship:
Dissent with authorities as to which books children
should be forced to read.
Condom:
Best form of birth control as it allows sex without
trust or acknowlegment of mutual risks. This prevents perversion,
and retards the intimacy that can lead to troublesomely atavistic
nuclear families. The only drawback is that condoms are so prohibitively
expensive that no one can buy their own, so they are completely unavailible
unless provided by the State.
Constitution:
1. Intangible entity by which the State is able to
determine intuitively what rights it will grant its subjects. Often
confused with:
2. Actual, largely static document which purports
to dictate the "proper" way to conduct matters of State.Written
in such opaquely complex phraseology that only twelve living people
can interpret it, it is often taken literally by ultra-right-wing
arch-conservative reactionaries.See Gridloc
Compassion:
1.Political strategy of buying votes and loyalty by
redistributing the confiscated property of scape goats.
2. (Archaic) Spontaneous concern for the well being
of an individual, on the part of a human being
Cruelty:
Treating animals differently than humans
Education:
Means by which the State empowers female children
and curbs the destructive phalocentric tendencies of males. This is
especially important in a democracy, to insure that the electorate
votes properly.
Ethics:
1.Opposite of morality (basis in self-esteem rather
than humility).
2. Unwritten law by which intellectuals govern their
behavior. Ethics vary according to group allegance, but can always
be determined by graduates of ethics courses.
Fanaticism:
Unneccesary philosophical consistency.
God:
1. Synonym for the State.
2. Ringleader of global reactionary phalocentric fanatic
movement, and purveyor of the only pornography so vile the State must
protect people from it.
3. Sometimes useful word if used in a meaningless
cont
Gridlock:
System of checks and balances instated by vaginaless
caucasians to impede progress. See Constitution.
Hypocrite:
1. Anyone who participates in something they claim
to be opposed to. For instance: someone who says they don't like feces,
and is later caught defecating.
2. Any fanatical practitioner of religion. See Fanaticism
Judgmental:
Any criticism from a member of a group known to be
composed of bigoted worthless hypocr
Morality:
Lowbrow populist substitute for ethics. Requires less
education, but more religious training, often of an unsavory Judeo-Christian
variety. See Judgemental
Mother:
1. Synonym for the State.
2. A voter obsessed with the soccer matches of non-taxpayers.
See education.
Perversion:
Sexual acts in which the partners; 1. Trust one another
more than the State, 2. Allow a chance for pregnancy to occur, 3.
Bring a penis into direct contact with a vagina, 4. Have anything
in mind other than physical pleasure.
Pregnancy:
Biological imperialism.
Prejudice:
Belief in stereotypes that are not sanctioned by authorities.
Republican:
1. Member of a small minority of extremely wealthy
bunny-stompers.
2. Member of a large majority of xenophobic, carnivorous,
ignorant, trailer park dwelling Garth Brooks fans.
Society:
1. Synonym for the State.
2. Total set of causes for all negative behaviours
in individuals. Must be eliminated.
Village:
Synonym for the State
Woman:
1. Crypto-feminist.
2. Voter so receptive to education that her support
can be counted on, even if you drop your pants and say "Kiss
it".
3. Breeder.
4. A type of voter best appealed to by fear and compassion.
5. Gynecologicaly- endowed- american
Y:
A chromosome that must be apologized for when it appears
in conjunction with heterosexuality and melenin-deficiency.
Zoo:
Concentration camp for quadruped-americans.
- D.M.
* * *
1. Equal Opportunity Employer - (Majorities need not
apply)
2. Affirmative Action - (I refuse to make it on my
own)
3. Democrats - (We love the poor so much, we want
to create more!)
Michael
* * *
Subject: Hidden Meanings, found an omission
Should not the term, "father", be there?
Father - a. synonym the State. b. how Clinton sees
himself with respect to all Americans. (Also see mother)
Mother - how Hillary Clinton sees herself with respect
to all Americans. Keep having fun.
George
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